in all honesty, i have quite a complicated relationship with writing.
i do my best to keep up with my stories or journaling, but it's not always done.
either i have writer's block or i simply have no motivation to even bother.
writing has always been an outlet for me. if anything, it's very sacred to me.
yet i can go MONTHS without it and i'd be fine (usually i substitute reading for it).
many ideas always cross my mind and it inspires me, but my execution isn't always the best.
reading always gets me in the mood to write, especially when it has unfamiliar vocabulary.
it encourages me to learn new words and expand my personal dictionary, i love learning.
creating good writing is hard, but reading and studying help a lot. it helps exercise the mind.
as someone who's constatntly daydreaming, i tend to constantly visualize my stories in my head.
i do it more than i should to be honest, but i can't help it. that's how much writing affects me.
my mind never takes a break from writing because i subconsciously intake new vocabulary, scenarios, and ideas.
that usually inspires me to continue journaling and keep up with my entries. i tend to ignore it a lot.
if i'm in a really good mindset, then i'll keep up with both my entries and stories i neglect.
there's not a moment where i'm not visualizing or contemplating an idea or concept.
i use writing as an outlet for my emotions as well as improving my storytelling skills.
its by far my healthiest outlet and even when i drop it off for a while, i eventually come back.
it's something i'm constantly picking up and dropping. i can't go more than a few months without it.
when i'm bored, i write. when i'm emotional, i write. when i'm curious, i write - and so on.
i tend to incorporate writing into everything in my daily life, it keeps it interesting i think.
just like the relationship with myself, it's quite complicated and questionable, but i still do it.
i don't think i'm ever gonna stop writing, it's something i can't go too long without.
it bring me joy and i feel good when i do it, whether it's a story or an entry, i enjoy it.
i mostly write for my own personal gain and not everybody gets to read it, but that's okay.
every day i learn something new and if i can incorporate it somehow, then i will.
not everybody gets it and that's fine as writing isn't for everybody. if it's for you, then embrace it.
i've seen a lot of incredible writing and i hope to one day be as incredible as them.
until then, i will keep on practicing until i'm completely satisfied with my writing.

to you i was the experience of the moment, but to me you were everything.
you can’t force anybody to love the way you do, i mean you could try, but its wrong.
as much as we want something it can only work if it flows on its own.
cherish all those moments because there will be a point where they become memories.
they will be beautiful memories that will eventually cause a rollercoaster of emotions.
accepting the truth is something that hurts deeply, but living with lies is worse.
its true when they say that not everybody is meant to stay in your life.
as much as we may want to we can’t make them stay, especially if they don’t want to.
but we do the have the option of letting go and cheering them on from the sidelines.
there are many sayings out there but this one really stuck out to me:
*you have the love of your life and the love for your life.*
to me you were the love of my life, but to you i was just something to pass the time.
there was a point where we both loved each other dearly, but it just wasn’t enough.
if anything i had enough love for you that you didn’t need to love me back.
i did a lot of things to get you to like me again and it wasn’t enough.
it took me a long time to realize that i couldn’t force you to love me the way i love you.
part of me hoped that you’d realize it on your own, but it didn’t go anywhere.
you came to me at a vulnerable time and i found comfort within you.
i was naive and young, heavily damaged and scarred from my previous experience.
its clear i wasn’t all the way there and i was unlearning my toxic patterns.
it took me a good while, but you showed me a whole new world.
my happiness was so noticeable that i was constantly asked about you.
it went on for a good while until you broke it off “for good”.
you never considered me anything because you hated any kind of label or title.
it hurt me because i didn’t understand why and i guess i never will.
i will admit that i fucked up a lot and my gosh i embarrassed myself heavily.
but i did it all to please you and keep you happy, i was scared to lose you.
my interest for you went from love to obsession really quickly.
it was a big part of my toxic patterns that got worse throughout time.
i still don’t know why i obsessed, maybe its because you made me feel comfortable.
or because you “loved” me and made me feel like i was truly worth something.
but now i know that what i’m doing is wrong and i’m working on myself.
as much as i love you i know i have to let you go, truthfully there’s nothing left anymore.
i’m not as naive as i used to be and i’ve changed quite a lot.
i’ve realized that my heavy attachment to is because you are my first real love.
i met you after the lowest point of my life and i became quickly attached.
you were my first in many things and i’ll always be grateful for you.
you’ll never know how much i truly wanted us to work out because i held back a lot.
maybe in another life we actually made it, but in this one we keep our distance.
i know for a fact that the love that i deserve will be nothing like yours.
for starters, the love for my life will actually like me back unlike you.
perhaps there will be similarities because they’re always there, its inevitable.
but i know that the love for my life will fight for me as much as i will for them.
the love for your life is a reflection of yourself who will love you no matter what.
you will never have to doubt them, if its meant to be it will always work out.
what one won’t do another will, there’s always better out there.
i don’t know when i’ll find my perfect partner, but i hope to be ready by then.
it hurts me a lot that they’re not you, but you know what?
you decided this and i’m really playing with life here, but i trust you with that decision.
you always told me i deserved someone who’s willing to give me what i want.
i know one day i’ll find that person, but it hurts that it’s not you.
“if he wanted to, he would” is a true saying and its clear you didn’t want to.
but that’s okay because you taught me a lot of things along the way.
something not working out just means that something better is coming along.
we spent several years together and we have a lot of good memories.
for the record, i don’t hate you and i don’t regret anything we’ve ever done.
i will forever appreciate you and i’ll always have love for you.
life is unfair and we go through many life lessons throughout our lifetime.
but to me you’ll forever be an unforgettable experience.